I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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