I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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