Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
