So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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