My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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