Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
two words...techno handjob
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
