i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
