new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
