I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How does one acquire holy water?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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