it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
