how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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