my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
