how can u be prego again
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
