we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
