Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
