he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
