really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
