Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
