I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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