tequila makes me forget i have legs
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
