Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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