Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
