so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
