I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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