I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
