omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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