Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
