she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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