Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
