last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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