Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL