We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
