Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
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Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.