Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.