fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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