I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
