you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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