I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
