i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
