The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
