i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
