so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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