we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
