i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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