Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
