Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
