so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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