She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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