check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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