Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
