Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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