Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
