woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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