Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
