ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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