ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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