Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
