Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
