what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
