please come you make the beer taste better
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
