I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
