3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
