how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
