Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
