I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
