Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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