No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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