They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
