We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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