just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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