Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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