Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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