I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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