Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
