I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
