I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
