I am in a vortex of obligation.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
