He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
