If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
