I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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