I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
