actually, I'm a sock model
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
