Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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