Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
