My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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